REMEMBER this.

I have been scared of writing this post from the beginning. I'm still scared. Out of my mind. Why the freak am I doing this. I don't know. But REMEMBER this. Remember the thoughts that go through  your head the next time you look at somebody. And then REMEMBER this. 

Addiction. If you have never been addicted to anything, let me paint you a picture.

Addiction comes with a web of lies coating your brain that filters everything that comes in and out. On the outside, you are the spider...In control. You manipulatively set hundreds of traps around you so that when people come near, they think nothing is wrong. On the inside, the thoughts that you once had that were good can barely even move to make an argument against what you are doing. 

Say goodbye to the innocent boy or girl you were 9 years ago. And say hello to the mannequin face that you will get so used to putting on display. 

This one's short, but definitely not sweet. A spoonful of sugar doesn't help the "medicine" go down because trust me, I've tried it. 

Be careful what you ingest. I've always envied the people where what you see is what you get. So I guess I'm just trying to become like them. 

Don't assume too much people. It's just a blog post. But I'm sick of people looking at me, and I knowing that what they are seeing is so far off. 

REMEMBER that this is real. It's very real.

BUT IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS BLOG POST

REMEMBER THIS.

People all have the same challenge, just in different ways. That challenge is what are we going to become after we get thrown through our own personal hell. 

Let me assure you of something. I pictured who I would be now when I was a kid. I had a map in my head of where I wanted to go, and I who I was going to be. 

I ended up taking a different route...

I stared at fire. I thought about fire. I played with fire. I walked through fire, and the weight of the ashes alone had me beat. I laid on the burning coals and felt my world melting around me, and I was convinced that my feet were too burned for me to stand up and try one last time to get out. Luckily, I had someone to crawl through the flames, find me underneath the pile of ashes, and haul me out of the flames on their back, even though I fought to drag them back down with me. He whispered a little something in my ear. 

"Become" 

I've shaken off the dust, I'm readjusting my tie, and I'm standing straight up looking back at the fire, and appreciating the heat that now keeps me burning with life.